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Under The Charlotte Lights...Again ~ Lady in Black
10/07/2016 |
I bid you welcome gentle readers, and to our
assigned NASCAR reader, if you’ve been around a long while, you can take today
off because you’ve read this one before.
Gentle readers, your scribe is tired! Old and
tired, and that makes it a special kind of tired. No, I’m healthy enough, and I
get whatever amount of sleep this creaking old frame finds necessary to face
another day, but I’m tired of never having something good about which to write.
I used to look forward to pulling up to this keyboard and telling tales of
great races run by great drivers… not all of whom were winners, but there were
things about each one that made him… and an occasional her… a winner to me.
That’s the way it ought to be. If one is to write about a sport, it’s
imperative that person at least understand and like that sport.
Well, I understand it, twisted as it’s become, though
for all this world, I can no longer say that I like it. So, instead of beating
that dead horse, which has no chance of rising as long as that certain person
is in charge, today we’ll be sharing a race from the last year there was a full
season of meaningful racing and a genuine Champion, otherwise known as BC…
Before the Chase! This is and was the Charlotte fall race from 2003, the year
before the great fall from grace began.
For those among us that are not familiar with
the escapades of the Lady in Black, or for those of us with short or fading
memories, a click
right around here someplace will take you to the actual race results and
help it all make sense. While there, you might notice that the races back then
had a full complement of 43 cars. Four more attempted to qualify for this race,
but were too slow, making it a total of 47 cars. Today, we run 40, and 36 of
those are guaranteed to start, no matter what. The greatest magic trick associated
with that is that only 40 cars show up each week. Any guesses on the odds of
that happening without interference by a human hand? This “New NASCAR” gives
new meaning to the words “controlled environment”, and this one has nothing
whatsoever to do with sterilization or sanitation, but everything to do with
manipulation.
All right then, enough of my whining and
mewling. Here’s your chance to read about racing when racing was better… not
best, mind you, but better. I think we’d have to go back maybe another 20 years
to approach the best part, but alas, that is not possible, except through the
telling of stories of yesteryear. Anyone know a good storyteller?
Here, without further ado, is the Lady in
Black, spinning her own brand of yarn for your enjoyment. Both she and I hope
you do enjoy it.
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Good
day race fans. This is your raving reporter, the Lady in Black, coming to you
this week from just outside the Queen’s City of Charlotte, North Carolina, in
the heart of stock car racing country. They tell me that I’m supposed to call
it “Lowe’s” now, but I’ve been all over the area and can’t find a town with
that name. It’s been “Charlotte” since 1960, so forgive me if I lapse into the
familiar from time to time. |
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The
kids from Winston Cup pulled into town a day early this week, to prepare for
racing under the lights on Saturday night. Thursday night’s qualifying was
undisturbed by weather, but true to form, it moved in on Friday and the Busch
Leaguers had to postpone their Friday night race until Saturday morning. Double
your pleasure, double your fun…. Oops! Wrong twins! The Busch race was won by Sniffles, doing a
bit of Busch whacking and pulling out to a 12-second lead at the checkers.
(Ho-hum)Out in Texas, at Bruton’s other track it was
Brendan Gone, boringly but predictably winning the truck race there for the
fourth consecutive time.
The
National Anthem was destroyed this week by someone named Monica, who sounded
rather like a Blue-tick Hound sitting on a burr. Strike Fighter Squadron 37
sent four FA-18 Hornets over the track in an effort to silence her, but danged
if she didn’t wait until they were gone to attempt the last few notes. The
planes, streaking flames behind them, looked awesome against the evening sky.
This
week, we were treated to something very special to my heart, before the battle
commenced on the track. Positioned at the front of the about to be snarling
pack was the #3 Chevrolet, with car owner Richard Childress at the wheel. When
Carmen Electra gave a command to start the engine of that car alone, it roared
to life amidst a hushed silence, and then pandemonium broke out in the stands.
Richard had said not to be sad, but to remember the great times and be happy
that we had them. That proved to be impossible, given the fact that we could
see Richard in the car, wiping away his own tears.
When
that car pulled out onto the track to lead the rest for four pace laps, the
crowd of 160,000 was on its feet and cheering. Flash bulbs going off everywhere
made the stands resemble the Milky Way, and it seemed that everyone was waving
three fingers in the familiar Dale Earnhardt salute. After being joined at the
front for a lap by Jeff Gordon, the active driver participating in the Victory
Lap salute to Winston, Richard took the car to the start-finish line, spun it
around and gave us one heck of a smoke show. I suspect that lessons from
Harvick may have been involved there. J
When it
was time to go racing, it was Friday Ryan on the pole (Of course) with Flameboy
on the outside. That Rainbow team must have run out of money, because instead
of flames the car appeared to be sporting a hood done in primer grey. Go back
to the flames!
At the
drop of the green rag, it was the New Man out to the lead, which he held for 17
laps. Then the other half of the sophomore class, Jeffy’s
Mini-me, passed for the lead and behind him was Dollar Biyull,
coming fast. By lap 23, Mini had put a lap on Can’t Cope’s ice cream truck and
nine laps later Cope pulled it into the lounge for an extended stay.
Somewhere
near lap 60, the gang started trickling into the bar for beer and tires. One of
the first to order up was Flameboy, and the last to join the party were the
Bounty Hunter and Steve Park-it. When all had been served, it was still Mini-me
in the lead, followed by Stewpot, Dollar Bill and the car without the flames.
At lap
87, everyone got a second chance for a Bud break when the Busch League kid spun
his Sharpie and lost a lap before getting it headed in the right direction.
NASCAR issued an invitation to the blue deuce to come back for another round,
since he’d left so hastily after the first one, and the One LAP UP (One Lucky Arse PUP) was Sterling Silver. The restart on lap 95 showed Jeffy’s Mini-me still on the point, with Stewpot, Bobby
Lobotomy, Dollar Biyull and Mutt Kennel in tow, and
only 19 cars still on the lead lap.
After
that, things quieted down considerably and they got into that old “middle of a
long race” rhythm, with most just circling the track. Around lap 110 and
beyond, there was a good dog-fight going on between Mutt Kennel and Kreatin’ Havoc, who are first and second in points right
now. Havoc got the best of that battle, but the war is far from over. Some
twenty laps later, The Home Depot Rolling Hardware Store took over the lead.
We’d see a lot of that throughout the evening.
Another
round of green flag beer breaks began around lap 149, and they had barely
gotten back to serious circling when at lap 161, the Candy Man and Mule Skinner
came to a meeting of fenders on the track. Each, of course, blamed the other,
and when it was over, Mule Skinner took the Army of One to the lounge while the
Candy Man soldiered on. Only some of the boys from the back room stopped for a
quickie under that caution, since most had just had refreshments. The One LAP
UP once again went to the Silver Bullet, who obviously hadn’t known what to do
with the last one. Somewhere on that
break, Steve Park-it went to join Mule Skinner in the lounge for a bit. At the
restart, it was still the Home Depot Demon leading Dollar Biyull,
the Bounty Hunter, Flyin’ Ryan and Jiminy McCricket.
The
gang had just gotten back to racing when the yellow flew again at lap 169. This
time it was Robber Gordon striking the wall in Cingular fashion and retiring to
the lounge for repairs. The ensuing Miller Time gave everyone a good laugh, as Jeffy’s Mini-me was the only one to drive into the bar.
Now, there’s nothing funny about that until you consider the fact that he was
the only one on pit road and still managed to miss his bar stool. Where I come
from, they call that a brain-fart. The One LAP UP award went to Sniffles (Yep,
the same one who had won by 12 seconds earlier in the day). The only change in
the running order was that his adventures on pit road put Mini-me in
seventeenth instead of second place.
Moving right
along to lap 205, (You didn’t miss anything) we saw the Candy Man involved in
another altercation that he claimed wasn’t his fault, this time with Toad Bodiddley. He stuffed the nose of that bag of candy right
up the exhaust pipe of the Coast Guard car and got the desired results when
Toad got loose and spun out. They might both have still been okay, but Candy
Man didn’t duck low enough and caught the rear fender of Toad’s car on his way
by. That resulted in an even bigger spin for Bodiddley
and a disastrous trip for the Candy Man, splattering M&Ms all over the
wall. That would be good enough for last place at the end of the evening.
The man
in the stilt house was forced to go to work once more, and the recipient of the
One LAP UP was Germy Mayfield. It was Coors and tires for everyone, and when
they got back to the fray, it was the Awesome One leading Stewpot, the Bounty
Hunter, Rocket Ryan and the Bud Stud.
At lap
221, Casey Smeared his engine and retired to the lounge to keep the Candy Man
company. All the rest of the rolling wounded were back on the track at that
time, but one wouldn’t be for long. At lap 232, the final caution of the
evening waved when Curtains Busch hit the wall and flattened a Goodyear. No one
had the good manners to let him get to the bar, so he had to make another lap.
Before he got that done, the flat tire managed to beat the fender right off the
car and that set up another meeting with the wall. His Sharpie wasn’t looking
too sharp about that time and he retired to the lounge, to fight another day.
The final winner of the One LAP UP was Ricochet Craven. The whole gang headed
in for a leisurely Bud break, and danged if Crusty Rusty didn’t get another
invitation to return to the bar. That lad needs to put his right foot on a diet!
They
turned a few more circles, with the Home Depot Demon still leading the rest. Flyin’ Ryan reported that he was nursing a vibration, and
at lap 268, his chief Pit Bull decided that they were within the beer window
and brought him in for four tires and a cold one. It was great to be at a track
where new tires were faster than old ones. That’s the way it was when I was a
young lass. The Rolling Phone Booth just sliced through the field like a hot
knife through butter, and by the time all the rest had stopped at the bar the
Rocket Man was about eight seconds ahead of Stewpot, with 36 laps yet to be
run.
Ah, but
what goes around, comes around, and now it was Stewpot with the new tires and
the New Man with older ones. Within 12 laps, that lead was down to 1.6 seconds
and closing. At lap 313, Cow Patty took the toilet paper car to the lounge,
minus an engine. As the laps rolled by, the battle up front was becoming
intense. By lap 321, there was only .2 of a second between those first two
cars. Flyin’ Ryan fought his best fight, but with
seven laps to go, the lead went to the Home Depot Demon. That was the way they
would cross the finish line. Behind Stewpot and Flyin’
Ryan, it was Jeffy’s Mini-me, the Awesome One, the
car without the flames, Bobby Lobotomy and the car with the star.
To the
delight of the fans in the stands, Stewpot ripped up major sections of Humpy’s
landscaping. After that, we were treated to a major smoke show from Smoke.
On a
scale of one to ten, I’d give this race a nine. (One has to leave room for
something like that championship deciding race at Atlanta in 1992) The tires
behaved predictably for a change and gas mileage had absolutely nothing to do
with the outcome. We’ve seen far too many races lately that only rate a two or
three. Besides, there is some sort of poetic justice in seeing Home Depot
victorious at a track they call Lowe’s.
That’s
exactly the way it was at Charlotte on Saturday night under the lights. Would I
lie to you?
~LIB
One final thought before we go to our Classic
Country Closeout. As I type, there is a large and dangerous hurricane named
Matthew spinning in the area of the Caribbean and planning landfall somewhere
between North Florida and the entire South Carolina coast. After landfall, the
beast is thought to continue up the coast, wreaking havoc as he goes. I know
many of my gentle readers live in or near the threatened area, and I have many
friends that do as well. Please, be reasonable and be safe! Get out of Dodge before
the roads are so hopelessly clogged that you can’t. My thoughts and prayers are
with everyone involved in any way. God bless and keep you, every one.
That pretty little songbird is a tiny tribute
to a giant talent in Country Music, who left us last week. Rest in Peace Jean
Shepard. You were and always will be this old lady’s favorite “girl” singer.
Neither Jean nor her songs need my
introduction, and those of you that didn’t know Jean or her songs… well, you’ve
stopped reading anyway, so without further speechifying, gentle readers, here
is Jean Shepard.
“Second Fiddle to an Old Guitar”
“I Learned it All from You” “I
Thought of You”
“Beautiful Lies”
“You’re Calling Me Sweetheart Again”
“Then He Touched Me”
“I’ll Hold You in My Heart”
“The Waltz of the Angels”
“Yesteryear in Nashville ~ Jean
Shepard”
Poor quality video but great
story line.
“Jean Shepard Tells it like it
is”
In this short video, one can
tell that Jean had been very ill… possibly had suffered a stroke. *Tissue
Alert! It’s short, but it’s Jean as you’ve never seen her. God, I loved that
lady!
Be well gentle readers, and
remember to keep smiling. It looks so good on you!
~PattyKay
