The White Cliffs of Dover ~ Delaware

I bid you welcome gentle readers, and a cordial nod of this old grey head to our NASCAR reader today. Sunday’s race was at New Hampshire, and most likely a fitting send-off to a very boring parade. The only real story on the day was which Toyota would win? As it turned out, that came down to which of the two best ones was in the wreck and which one missed it. Kyle Busch missed it and he got the lobster, but Martin Truex Jr. fought and clawed his way back from Kevin Harvick’s smoke screen to finish 5th on the day, with a stage win for good measure.

Because I find racing at that track so much less than exciting, I’m going to turn today over to my alter-ego, the Lady in Black, as she takes us on a stroll down Memory Lane, not to New Hampshire (She didn’t like it either), but to Dover, the next race up on the schedule both then and now. This is from the 2004 September race and for those with failing memories or have no clue what or whom she might be talking about, you can find the full race recap right here.

Good day race fans. This is your raving reporter, the Lady in Black, coming to you today from the white cliffs of Dover… no, not that Dover… the one in Delaware that has a racetrack, not bluebirds. This was the site on Sunday of the second battle between the elite Army of Ten, seeking to win the Chase for No Sponsorship. Miraculously, there was no hurricane in the area this weekend, though I’m sure Jeanne will pay a visit before she’s through. (Condolences to all of you in the southeast that have felt the burden of these vicious storms this year) Sunday, in fact, was what they refer to as “A perfect day for racing”, with temps in the lower 70s and a mostly clear sky; in short, a great day for a war.

Even Jimmy who never forgets remembered on that day to practice what he preaches and showed up with a full-faced helmet, just as he insists that his son wear. Way to go Jimmy! It might take a long time, but you actually CAN teach an old dog new tricks. (I miss Mongo) The one down side was the fact that someone evidently neglected to tell the gang at the University of Nebraska that the outside walls at Dover are not concrete, but boilerplate steel (I thought we got rid of the last of that at Pocono) and they weren’t able to install SAFER barriers on the outside walls of that Monster Mile. Guys, if Elmer’s won’t hold it, have you thought of trying Super Glue?

The festivities got underway in a most delightful fashion, with the Southern Delaware Youth Orchestra offering a wonderful rendition of God Bless America, much to the delight of what at Dover is always a very patriotic crowd. That was followed by Miss America, Deidre Downs, doing full justice to the Star Spangled Banner. This little lass from Alabama didn’t miss a note and never mispronounced a syllable as she offered up a crisp, clean and beautiful performance of our National Anthem. Well done, Miss Downs; you were a pleasure. She was followed by a flyover of F16s from Dover Air Force Base, which is situated just down the road (About the length of a runway) from the track. Then it was time for the battle to start.

When the green flag waved, it was Jeremy May Be Fast leading the charge, with Friday Ryan on his outside flank. That however, didn’t even last a lap, with Ryan Flyin’ around on the outside to take the point on the very first lap, followed by May Be Fast, Brian Snickers, the Candy Man and Long Tall Mikey. As usual, Arnold the Green Acres Pig was retired after only 7 laps, with Jeff Full of it collecting the hefty check for last place this week. (Ya know, I’m a woman, and an old one to boot, but even I could do that) During the first few laps, one car, the DeWalt Tool Box of Mutt Kenseth, was streaking through traffic and had moved all the way to third before the first caution flag flew on lap 14.

That flag unfortunately, signaled the demise of Hurrikahne’s engine and a very early retirement from battle for that brave soldier. (Oh yes, he was on my fantasy card) There was quite a long Bud break under that flag, as the janitors had to apply kitty litter to all of the area of the track oiled down by the expiring engine and every soldier from 15th on back took full advantage of it. Prince Jeffrey of Childress probably wished that he’d waited a bit to quench his thirst, as he was penalized a lap for being served while off his bar stool. The One LAP UP (One Lucky Arse PUP) was awarded to Kirk Fillerdine and once again, I plead ignorance as to how one can be a lap down within 14 laps and not receive the black flag for loitering on the track.

When they restarted on lap 23, the order up front hadn’t changed much, since those stalwarts remained at their post. It was Flyin’ Ryan out in front of May Be Fast, Mutt Kenseth, Candy Man and the Blue Deuce. The restart was not without incident however, when those two best friends, Rubby Gordon and Tony the Temper somehow got together. (Who’d have thunk it) That meeting culminated with Tony ever so gently bumping Rubby up the track on his way by, but sustaining damage to his own front fender in doing so. Tony, about that sign… Within a few laps, Joe Old Man took the Finchmobile to the lounge for the afternoon, wrapping up 41st place money on the day. For Joe, that was a long run. He would be followed in just a few laps by Kirk Fillerdine and Geoff Bodiddley, who was making another cameo appearance on Sunday.

At lap 33, Matt the Brat took over the lead from Flyin’ Ryan and still held it at lap 48, when the second yellow rag flew as Brian Snickers decided to practice doing doughnuts. He wound up hard into the not so SAFER boilerplate wall before cascading down the track and into the waiting SAFER barrier at the bottom, ending his day long before he’d planned. There was a mass exodus from the track and through the swinging tavern doors as all but one soldier decided it was Miller Time. Ken Shredder remained on the point just long enough to collect five free pretzels and then followed the gang into the bar. The One LAP UP that time went to Rubby Gordon, while something apparently went amiss with the engine of the Zewo Hewo and he joined the gang in the lounge.

On the restart at lap 56, the pylon showed Matt the Brat leading Flyin’ Ryan, the Blue Deuce, May Be Fast, and Jeffy’s Mini-me. Once again, the restart was not exactly smooth, as the Pfizer Riser checked up to avoid something in front of him and was collected in the rear by Captain Nemo and his Army of One, leaving what appeared to be light damage to both cars. For one of them, that would prove not to be the case. Within 30 laps, Captain Nemo came to the bar for an unscheduled beer and an overheating engine. At lap 93, Flyin’ Ryan reclaimed the lead from Mutt and his comrade in arms, the Blue Deuce, followed him by the DeWalt Tool Box. At that time, Captain Nemo was back in the pits with more serious problems and was soon on his way to spend the rest of the afternoon in the lounge. He had been preceded there by Kevin Glue, to whom no one even said good-bye.

Lap 107 saw Casey Merely bring his Target to the bar with a flat right front Goodyear and at lap 119, we learned the reason that Matt the Brat had been passed so easily on the track. He had sensed a right front going down as well, but his attack plan lacked a little something as he headed for the swinging doors. As he came off turn four, he slid through the cones and spun hard into the water-filled tire barrier at the entrance to the bar, with the front of the car eventually coming to rest atop the guardrail. It was not a pretty sight and it made a huge mess for the janitors to clean up. The barstool of Jeffy’s Mini-me was declared a flood zone and the red flag flew while all of the water was sopped up and the barrier rebuilt for the next acrobat that chose to climb it.

That lasted about 13 minutes as the gladiators sat motionless on the track, bored and thirsty. Finally, they let them roll again and at lap 124, everyone marched into the bar for a cold Coors Lite. While all that was going on, the Good Shepherd took Jesus to the lounge, probably for a more comfortable seat. The One LAP UP went to Jeff the Greenhorn in the Cheerios Cereal Bowl.

They finally got back to jousting on lap 128, with Flyin’ Ryan leading Jeffy’s Mini-me, the Blue Deuce, the Busch League Kid, the Bud Stud and the Big Brown Truck. At that point, there were 19 warriors still in the battle for the lead. Things settled in for a bit after that, though we did see a spirited battle between Jeffy’s Mini-me, who had third place, and the Busch League Kid, who wanted it. Advantage eventually went to Busch League in that skirmish.

At lap 171, the fourth free round of beer was signaled by a yellow flag waving for Prince Jeffrey of Childress, when his right front tire exploded, sending him hard into the not so SAFER outside wall. That was scary for a minute, as the car caught fire and Prince Jeffrey was forced to affect an emergency exit, with assistance, from the flaming beast. That brave soldier then displayed a fit of uncharacteristic anger as he stripped off his HANS devise, an integral part of his suit of armor, and flung it at the smoking hulk. After that, he hitched a ride with a passing ambulance crew to the lounge.

Of course, every soldier in the field opted for a Bud break, but one of them, Jeffy’s Mini-me, received an invitation to come back to the bar because Field Marshall Helton deemed that he had left his bar stool too quickly. Gee, and he’s usually such a mannerly young fellow. The One LAP UP went yet again to Jeff the Greenhorn (I still think there ought to be a limit of one to a customer) and Matt the Brat returned to the fray, some 53 laps in arrears, with his chariot in much better shape than it had been when he left.

They restarted on lap 178, with the Penske Partners, Flyin’ Ryan and the Blue Deuce followed by the Busch League Kid, the Big Brown Truck, Mark the Munchkin and the Bud Stud. The Busch League Kid took the lead briefly at lap 185, but Flyin’ Ryan took it back about ten laps later. By lap 238, Mark the Munchkin had moved all the way up to second place, but was still 9 seconds behind a truly Flyin’ Ryan.

At lap 245, the Blue Deuce stopped by the bar for an early beer and four tires, since one of his was no longer round. Ten laps later, the chief Pit Bull for Jeremy May Be Fast sent a strange request to the Field Marshall, asking that his driver be black-flagged and sent to the bar. His intentions were good, as the poor lad was out there in the battle with no means of communication beyond smoke signals, but as he grabbed his beer and four Goodyears, they merely passed him a new radio through the window. Now, I don’t know if that crew has ever tried to install a radio while wearing a full suit of armor and traveling at speeds of 150 mph, but I don’t think it can be done and neither did Jeremy. Your signs are waiting!

Others began to hit the bar at about the same time, starting a full round of green flag beer breaks that would stretch over the next twenty-five laps. When Bobby the Bounty Hunter decided the time was right for refreshments, he came in a little hot and almost duplicated what Mutt had done earlier, but managed to catch it in time. Before he did though, his chariot slid within inches of coming back onto the track and Mark the Munchkin was immediately on the radio with his chief pit bull requesting a change of BVDs.

At lap 280, when everyone had been served, there were only 12 warriors still at the front of the battle. They were Flyin’ Ryan, the Blue Deuce, Mark the Munchkin, the Car with the Flames (Hadn’t seen him all afternoon), Busch League Kid, Greg Baffled (nor him either), Candy Man, Bud Stud, Jamie McCutey, Rickety Rudd, (WOW) Tony the Temper (still feeling the effects of that front end damage from Rubby) and the Big Brown Truck. It didn’t take long before that Alltel Rolling Phone booth was once again out in its own area code.

At lap 317, the Blue Deuce pitted early once again, this time to repair a right front Goodyear that had completely come apart. I wonder how encouraging it was to Flyin’ Ryan when his chief pit bull informed him that his last right front had showed signs of separating as well.

Ten laps later, the final Miller Time of the day was signaled by a yellow flag for oil in turn four. Heck, any old excuse will do for a beer and every soldier left on the battlefield headed for the bar. One of them though, Rubby Gordon, made a hard left before the swinging doors and brought his chariot in for the pit bulls to practice on for a while. He’d eventually come back to finish 30th. The One LAP UP went to Jeremy May Be Fast, making it eleven soldiers still in the battle.

They restarted on lap 336, but it got a bit hairy when Tony the Temper slid up the track from sixth spot, stacking them up two and three wide behind him. Ahead of all that, it was Flyin’ Ryan still flyin’ high, followed by the Munchkin, Flameboy, Busch League and Baffled. Lap 343 saw Greg Baffled slow and head to the bar with a vibration caused by a loose right front wheel. (Yep, that’ll do it) He only stayed long enough for a quickie and two tires, but still lost a lap. At about lap 273, the Candy Man slowed and headed into the bar for a flat right rear. Pouring salt in the wound, the Field Marshall deemed that he came too fast through the swinging doors and invited him to come back for a pass through. At lap 379, Matt the Brat figured out that he’d gotten all he could get out of the afternoon, so he brought his Tool Box to the lounge to get an early start on the traffic.

At the end of the battle, only eight gladiators had survived to remain on the lead lap, led to the checkered flag of course by a very deserving Flyin’ Ryan, who had led 325 of the 400 laps run and had just flat outclassed the field. Those on the lead lap with Ryan were Mark the Munchkin, the Car with the Flames, the Big Brown Truck, the Busch League Kid, Tony the Temper, Jeremy May Be Fast and Jamie McCutey. Finishing out the top ten, though a lap in arrears, were the Bud Stud and Jeffy’s Mini-me.

Flyin’ Ryan treated the spectators to a long session of doughnuts at the start/finish line before doing a burnout to Victory Lane. Once there, he was welcomed with a major bath of spray from several well-shaken bottles, and deserving hugs from chief pit bull Matt Borland, his Dad and of course, new bride Krissie. After properly thanking everyone that might have had a part in shaping his life, he declared with a big smile, “We hit everything right today!” You certainly did Ryan!

Mark the Munchkin seemed well satisfied with his position as runner-up, allowing that they had a great car all day long but “We didn’t have anything for that 12 car.” In fact, every one of the front-runners was quite happy to have been one of them except Tony the Temper whose parting shot in his interview was, “Good race? If you say so, but to be honest, I’d rather be kicking Robby Gordon’s butt.”

Umm, Tony, has it occurred to you that the car wouldn’t have been damaged if you hadn’t taken the bait and hit him? His car wasn’t worth diddley-squat all day and he would have soon been out of your hair. On second thought, keep the sign; it’s only right. Now, in all fairness, I’ve since read that Rubby’s response was, “Tell him to come on over, or here, give him my phone number and tell him, ‘Anytime.’” Good grief, which one of those two very talented drivers has gotten past the terrible twos? (Okay, secretly I am loving it, but don’t tell anyone or I’ll lose my credibility as an objective reporter.)

That’s exactly the way it was at Dover on Sunday. Would I lie to you?

~LIB

Gentle readers, this week my heart is heavy. There are forces that attempt to tear apart the world as I know it. I really don’t want to be a part of all that, but apparently staying with racing, where I have always been, now makes me some sort of racist. One nut case called me a bigot for defending my flag, country and Anthem.

So be it. I know well what that Anthem stands for and because of those many reasons, I stand for it, with hand on heart and often a tear in my eye. I am grateful to God that I was born and raised in America. Below are some Classic Country Stars offering their renditions of songs very dear to this old heart.

In closing, this is Jim Nabors, singing The Star Spangled Banner at the inaugural Cup race at Indianapolis Motor Speedway. 1994. Crowd estimated in excess of 350,000 that day. Every fan and every team are standing, hats off and hands on hearts in honor of the American Flag. Long may she wave, oe’r the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Be well gentle readers, and remember to keep smiling. It looks so good on you!

~PattyKay