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I bid you welcome gentle readers, and a heartfelt
Merry Christmas to our assigned reader of all things NASCAR on this grey,
dreary December day in the hills of North Georgia. The word December says it
all. Little or nothing is making much news in the world of NASCAR this month,
and many websites take a vacation and just leave pretty pages with no content
to be read. RFF keeps right on plugging… well, at least Frank Buhrman and I do.
News will pick up again after the Holidays as folks start chomping at the bit
for any scrap of anything race-related.
For today however, we’ll all share a warmed over
version of one I wrote back in 2013, the first year in existence for Race Fans
Forever. A couple years ago, it saw a change, as Sprint took their soccer balls
and left racing and Monster Energy appeared as a last-minute Series sponsor.
Again this year, a rewrite is required, as Monster is said to be leaving us at
the end of the 2019 season. Ah… the times they are a-changing, almost too fast
to keep up with… but here is yet another rewrite, complete with disclaimer up
front. Please enjoy:
I bid you welcome gentle readers, and feel perhaps I
should apologize up front for what follows… but I won’t. It’s almost Christmas
and this is a takeoff on an old and oft-sung Christmas carol, "The Twelve
Days of Christmas"… with a twist. These twelve days, and the accompanying
twelve gifts come not from "my true love", but from NASCAR, and yes,
Virginia, there is a difference.
Please understand that though some consider me to be a
fair-to-middling journalist and scripter of pretty words, when it came to
studying and learning about such things as iambs, feet, metric anything,
pentameters, and whatever came later, I took the day off to go shopping. Poetry
is not and never was my forte, and Heaven knows, that coffee-house stuff that
doesn't even rhyme is not poetry... just words, usually unrelated. With those
ground rules established, here then is my Christmas poem for NASCAR fans...
The
Twelve Days of a NASCAR Christmas
On the first day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
A Roval and a Monster
Trophy!
On the second day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Two road courses, a Roval and a Monster Trophy!
On the third day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Three short tracks, two road courses, a Roval and a Monster Trophy!
On the fourth day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Four giant race tracks, three short tracks, two road
courses, a Roval and a Monster
Trophy!
On the fifth day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Five checkered flags…
Four giant race tracks, three short tracks, two road
courses, a Roval and a Monster
Trophy!
We pause now for a word from our sponsor... well, not
really, but I want all the NASCAR fans reading this to feel right at home and
not miss their commercials, so please enjoy Jeff Foxworthy as he presents “The
12 Days of Redneck Christmas:”
And now back to our regularly scheduled column,
already in progress...
On the sixth day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Six penalties…
Five checkered flags…
Four giant race tracks, three short tracks, two road
courses, a Roval and a Monster
Trophy!
On the seventh day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Seven second places, six penalties…
Five checkered flags…
Four giant race tracks, three short tracks, two road
courses, a Roval and a Monster
Trophy!
On the eighth day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Eight cookie-cutters, seven second places, six
penalties…
Five checkered flags…
Four giant race tracks, three short tracks, two road
courses, a Roval and a Monster
Trophy!
On the ninth day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me
Nine engines roaring, eight cookie-cutters, seven
second places, six penalties…
Five checkered flags…
Four giant race tracks, three short tracks, two road
courses, a Roval and a Monster
Trophy!
On the tenth day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Ten pit crews leaping, nine engines roaring, eight cookie-cutters,
seven second places, six penalties…
Five checkered flags…
Four giant race tracks, three short tracks, two road
courses, a Roval and a Monster
Trophy!
We pause once again for one final commercial break
before the end of the song, just like a real NASCAR race, when the TV fades to
commercials with five laps to go. This one comes from Bill Engvall
and would you just look at that! He's sent me a "Stupid sign" with a
note that says, "Merry Christmas Stupid." Aww... Thanks Bill!
On the eleventh day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Eleven brakes a glowing, ten pit crews leaping, nine
engines roaring, eight cookie-cutters, seven second places, six penalties…
Five checkered flags…
Four giant race tracks, three short tracks, two road
courses, a Roval and a Monster
Trophy!
On the twelfth day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Twelve ads a-running, eleven brakes a-glowing, ten pit
crews leaping, nine engines roaring, Eight cookie-cutters, seven second places,
six penalties…
Five checkered flags…
Four giant race tracks, three short tracks, two road
courses, a Roval and a Monster
Trophy!
And there you have it gentle readers; this year’s version
of The Twelve Days of a NASCAR Christmas. For those that won’t be joining us
again before the Holidays, please let me take this opportunity to wish you and
yours a Merry and Blessed Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous New Year. For
those of you not of the Christian faith, I wish you the very best of the
holidays you celebrate at this festive year-end holiday time.
Race fans, I don’t know about you, but I’m going to
miss that beautiful trophy when Monster goes away. In my unsolicited opinion,
it is the nicest trophy NASCAR has ever awarded to a Champion. It’s not only
beautiful but functional, if one can lift it. Each of the scrolls is the
outline of one of the tracks we race on, and they’re all on there. What an
exceptional concept. We’ve never had one that better represents who and what we
are… all about racing!
We have to keep the tone of the article, so why not
listen to another song or two written a bit tongue in cheek, just like what
we’ve already read and heard. Here then, is the Front Porch Jam Band, doing
their own version of “12 Days of a
Redneck Christmas.” Please enjoy.
This last one takes a bit of a detour from the others,
but not far. It’s called “The Twelve
Pains of Christmas”, and is performed by Bob Rivers’ Comedy Corp.
Be well gentle readers, and remember to keep smiling.
It looks so good on you!
~PattyKay 