Quotable Quotes from NASCAR
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Condolences go out to Dale
Earnhardt Jr. (Amy), Kelley Earnhardt Miller (L.W.) and all their children for
the loss of Mother and Grandmother Brenda Jackson, another victim of Cancer. 65
is far too young to die in this day and age. Everyone here at RFF is sincerely
heartbroken at your loss.
I bid
you welcome gentle readers, and as always a cordial “Hey Y’all” to our assigned
reader of all things NASCAR on this bright and sunny spring day in the hills of
North Georgia. This one got passed over by your scribe, for absolutely no
reason but carelessness… or failing eyesight. Actually, I presume I was looking
for the “Lighter Side of NASCAR” and this one wasn’t captioned that way.
The
following passages are the result of my search for some truly quotable quotes
throughout the years. Some are funny; some are serious; some border on the
ridiculous and a couple have been appropriately edited in order that your
children might read them. I Hope y’all
have as good a time reading these as I did unearthing them. Quotes appear in
Italics and my comments, if any, in parentheses.
The
first two are from a long-ago meeting of “Winged Warriors”:
"I don't think bigger
spoilers are the answer… what we need is a rear wing like you saw on the Dodges
in the late 60's."
Ricky
Rudd, commenting on the early 80’s NASCAR cars' handling problems
"Forget that, we're not
going back to the Batmobiles!"
NASCAR
Top Cop Bill Gazaway, answering Ricky Rudd's comment
(These
were the cars with the beaks in front and wings at the back… Dodge Daytona and
Plymouth Super-Bird)
Here we
have a couple from gentlemen who were lucky to be able to say anything, let
alone something witty:
"When I saw the wall coming
through the car, I knew I was in trouble."
Mike
Harmon, after walking away from a gruesome crash during a Busch Grand National
practice session at Bristol.
When I started out on asphalt
and wound up on dirt, I knew I was in trouble."
Jimmy
Horton, after exiting Talladega the hard way (over the wall and onto a dirt
lane outside and well below the track) in 1993
The
boys in the booth all claim to be “Trained Broadcast Professionals”, but they
have their moments, just like the rest of us:
"Richard Childress recently
went polar-bear hunting up in the Northwest Territory near Antarctica."
FOX
commentator Larry McReynolds
(Larry,
you might want to check your atlas.)
"I’ve always said your
legacy is what you leave behind you."
Darrell
Waltrip, enlightening Fox TV viewers
(Umm…yep,
what he said)
"Lowe’s Motor Speedway is
one of those tracks where the sun usually sets in the west."
MRN
radio commentator Barney Hall
(Maybe
there is an exception when there is a full moon?)
Drivers
of course, are always articulate, sometimes to a fault. Here’s a few from the
men behind the wheels:
"The track is so fast, it’s
not made for racing. It’s made for speed."
Ryan
Newman, on Texas Motor Speedway
(Ya
know, I almost understand that one)
"At this point, I think if
I saw someone on the side of the road selling horseshoes, I would stop and buy
one."
Bobby
Labonte, in the midst of a tough season.
(Been
there, felt that way)
"We’ve got heavy hearts in
the backs of our minds."
Kurt
Busch, expressing his feelings on owner Jack Roush in the aftermath of Roush’s
injuries in a plane crash
(Well,
you know what he meant)
"I thought maybe he needed
a psychologist, first off for owning a race team and secondly for hiring
me."
Bill
Elliott on Ray Evernham
(We
still love ya Bill)
"They’re going to have to
come in here and bulldoze the place."
Rusty
Wallace, complaining about New Hampshire International Speedway.
(All
those years and nothing’s changed)
"Don't come here and
grumble about going too fast. Get out of the racecar if you've got feathers on
your legs or butt. Put a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants
won't climb up there and eat your candy a**."
Dale
Earnhardt on slowing down races
(He
always had a way with words ~ Lord I miss him)
“God created bumpers and…
Bumpers were made for bumping!”
Dale
Earnhardt
"I taught you everything
you know but I didn't teach you everything I know"
(I've
seen this one credited to Dale Earnhardt, but I remember Bobby Allison saying
it years before that and it probably wasn’t new then)
"I keep trying to get
Junior to come back to the track and help me. I asked him at Bristol, 'Junior,
just come over and stand in the pits with a headset on the wall like you used
to.' And he said, 'Boy, you ain't running good enough for me to help
you.'"
Darrell
Waltrip, when he was owner/driver
(Junior
had a way with words as well)
“Money buys speed. How fast do
you want to go?”
I’ve
seen this attributed to Smokey Yunick, but I have reason to believe that it
originated with Banjo Matthews and was the slogan for “Banjo’s Performancenter.”
This
next bunch is all from the same man; someone I could listen to for days without
ever getting tired of listening. Here are just a few from the “Gentle Giant”,
Buddy Baker:
"Ernie Irvan could go bear
hunting with a switch. He ain't never afraid."
On Rick
Hendrick and Felix Sabates - "Well I
don't know which one has more money but I'll tell you what. Either one could
burn a wet mule with hundred dollar bills."
On a
newly re-paved Darlington - "The new
asphalt is like putting a tuxedo on a rattlesnake."
On
being asked to do a TV piece on conserving fuel - "I told them they better get somebody else; that I didn't know
anything about saving gas."
"Man, I've hit everything
but the lottery."
On the
Gibson Guitar Buddy himself won at Nashville - "I was like a pig with a wristwatch"
From
Hickory Speedway "Short track racing
is by all means a contact sport"
(The
man is a classic)
Then,
of course, there are always the words of wisdom that emanate from the hierarchy
of NASCAR itself:
"Certainly it's not a
playoff. No matter what we do, it will not be a playoff format. A playoff
implies a lot of things, notably best 2-out-of-3, single elimination. We're not
talking about something like that. We're talking about something that still has
a big element of consistency."
Brian
France
(Uh-huh)
And
finally:
"It is what it is."
Mike
Helton
(What
can one say when faced with the innate logic of that brilliant statement?)
That’s
all for today gentle readers, so it’s time for our Classic Country Closeout.
This week we’ll be listening to one of my all-time favorite singers, Hank Thompson.
This man literally flooded my teen-age years with song after song, and never
one I didn’t love. He recorded and sang almost up to the day he left us,
November 6, 2007. I have pounds of his albums and play them often. This
collection looks to be pretty inclusive of his best. Please enjoy!
Be well gentle readers, and remember to keep smiling.
It looks so good on you!
~PattyKay