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Kissing The Bricks With The Lady In Black 08/04/2015 |
I bid you welcome gentle readers, and of course that includes our assigned reader, about whom NASCAR thought for many years that we knew nothing. They were wrong, and you know how much they dislike that… she says with an inward glow and tiny smile. Today, we’re serving up a diet of retro as we go way back with the Lady in Black. Last week these pages carried a column comparing two races at the Brickyard, the first race and the last race to date. The race chronicled below is from 2003, and the column originally appeared on the pages of Insider Racing News on August 6 of that year.
Please note the listed attendance at that race. Folks were still going to see the race in 2003… in great numbers. Then came the year when the ship started to leak… 2004, from whence all evil things in NASCAR spring. We all know what happened that year; we’re still reeling from it today.
As always when offering something from the Lady these days, those that have trouble with the now 12-year old nicknames can find the actual race stats by clicking right about here. Please enjoy spending a bit of time with one of the funniest ladies you’ll ever meet… the Lady in Black.
Good
day, race fans. This is your raving reporter, the Lady in Black, coming to you
from the hallowed grounds of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, all 244 acres of
it. Did you know that the Speedway
itself is not really in Indianapolis? It’s
actually located in a town called “Speedway.”
How cool is that? It leaves me to wonder
why folks have a hissy fit when I call Charlotte “Charlotte.”
They had a little race here on Sunday. No, it wasn’t the famous one, but the kids from Winston Cup managed to attract over 300,000 lowbrow fans anyway. Hey, NASCAR fans enjoy a cold one and a good race, no matter where it is.
The festivities got under way with a very nice offering of our National Anthem by Montgomery Gentry.
They had a little race here on Sunday. No, it wasn’t the famous one, but the kids from Winston Cup managed to attract over 300,000 lowbrow fans anyway. Hey, NASCAR fans enjoy a cold one and a good race, no matter where it is.
The festivities got under way with a very nice offering of our National Anthem by Montgomery Gentry.
The
Anthem can be heard at 2:40 into the video. Please note, hats removed and over
hearts. No vocal exercises here. The little “Idol” that did it last week could
take a lesson from these two respectful American men. That is what it’s all
about gentle readers… R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
That was followed by a double flyover, courtesy of the 181st Fighter Wing from Terre Haute. First were the F-16 fighter jets, followed by Blackhawk helicopters. Later on, we would see some of those fighter jets on the racetrack, posing as Winston Cup cars. Before the race ever got started, the cleanup crews had to come out because Idiot Sadler’s M&M’s got chocolate all over the track. Actually, it might have been an oil overflow, but it was messy all the same.
It was Happy Havoc on the pole, with Friday’s Child on the outside. When the green rag dropped, Havoc scooted out to an early lead, leaving anything that would pass for racing to those behind him. By lap 3, the Awesome One passed Flyin’ Ryan for second, as we watched Wawd’s Kitty cat sinking like a lead weight. (Wonder where Marblemouth is driving next year). On the other side of that coin were the Car with the Star and the Home Depot Parts Kart, both of whom must have drunk some Red Bull, because they were flying.
Around lap 19, Wild Biyull passed Havoc for the lead but it would be short-lived. By lap 25, Stewpot had caught and passed him, leaving that One Bad Apple in his dust. A couple of laps later, Rubby Gordon and Junior Johnson had a brief meeting on the track, but both continued on their way with nothing but hurt feelings.
Green flag beer breaks started occurring around lap 30, but at lap 38, the driver of the Big Brown Truck appeared far too thirsty. That truck hit pit road going about 150 mph and tried to make a stop in the very first pit. Well gentle readers, the laws of physics won’t allow that to happen and that old truck swapped ends in a hurry. Unfortunately, it was too much of a hurry for jackman John Bryan to get out of the way. Poor John wound up being splattered like a bug on the wall. (Y’all might remember that this happened to John a couple of years ago, when he was on the receiving end of a Cat car gone astray.) He was transported to Methodist Hospital for observation, but later was released without seeming serious injury.
Of course, when all that happened, tending to the injured man was the primary concern (Rightfully so), but it had unintended consequences. Remember all those guys on the track who hadn’t been in for a cold one yet? Well, pit road was closed, but those boys were getting very thirsty just circling around out there. Finally, some of them had to give up and come in for a Bud, no matter what. In no particular order, we saw Jeffy Grody, Mutt Kenseth, Buschytail, Black haired Mikey, Dale the Lesser and several others ignore the red flag and get their beer anyway. Once NASCAR finally put up the green flag on pit road, all of them came back in for a quick drink, and that really scrambled the field.
The restart, at lap 45, was one of those nightmares you wish you hadn’t dreamed, with Flyin’ Ryan shown as the leader, but some 20 cars ahead of him, on the tail end of the lead lap. That restart made Indy look a lot like Pocono, as cars fanned out everywhere, with no one sure whom they were racing or who was on what lap. As you’d expect it only took a bit of that to produce the needed caution and straighten things out. That was provided when John Spaghetti slowed to avoid some three wide door rattling ahead of him and was summarily booted around and into the wall by the Rain Man. That would be the end of John’s day. I think that Chop Ganassi should be looking hard at that boy to replace Casey Smear. Heck, John comes with his own Target.
At the restart on lap 51, Stewpot made short work of Flyin’ Ryan, who had taken beer but no tires. Stewpot was heard to tell his crewchief that when he’d switched engine boxes a while back, it was like winning the lottery. (Great Tony, but concentrate on the race.) After that, there was not much excitement for a while, as the cars strung out like those beads on a cheap necklace and just kept circling. Around lap 69, Germy Mayfield went to the garage, but no one really missed him. By lap 80, we saw Junior Johnson start yet another round of green flag Bud breaks. The biggest casualty of that round was when Alltel ran all-out, of gas that is. The New Man managed to get it back to the pits, but lost a lot of time limping in there.
After that, we watched Jiminy McCricket begin to gain on the leader, Stewpot, and saw Cow Patty head to the garage for a new rear end. Now, being of advanced years, I couldn’t see anything wrong with his old one, but that’s just me.
Lap 105 would give the combatants a leisurely Miller Time, when the M&M’s Candy Store barfed oil on the track and said goodbye to its engine. Gee, maybe it wasn’t chocolate after all. On this break, there were all sorts of disagreements on what to order. Some took two tires, some four, but Rubby just grabbed a cold one and went out barefooted. He wouldn’t keep the lead for long, but he did get to keep the five pretzels he earned for leading a lap. Within two laps, Jiminy McCricket and Mutt Kenseth had passed him, and everyone else was busy cussing at Casey Smear who was laps down but racing the leaders.
At lap 126, we saw what would not turn out to be the smooth move of the day, when the New Man pitted for one last beer and declared himself good to go to the end. At about that same time, Cow Patty rejoined the fray, some 19 laps in arrears, and that rear end still looked the same to me. Two laps later, Black haired Mikey stopped in for a quickie, followed by the Bounty Hunter and Stewpot. That Bud must have been looking especially good, since the leaders decided that they needed some as well and hit the bar at lap 132.
At lap 136, we heard NASCAR discussing the possibility of debris on the track. At lap 140, they finally found some, when Can’t Cope dropped a piece of his ice cream cart on the front stretch. Well, once again they scrambled the running order, as some came in for a Coors and others stayed out. The results were the same as last time. They restarted with McCricket leading Havoc, Mutt, Rubby, and Crusty, but again with several on that dreaded “tail end.” This time though, they weren’t lucky enough to get away with losing only one competitor. As they jockeyed for position, we saw Blarney scoot up the track to avoid something no one else saw, then we watched Texas Terry get Buschwhacked and spun out. By the time the hitting stopped, there was a very expensive scrap heap out near the garage area and we’d all learned that “soft walls” are not a cure for stupidity. Caught up in the melee were Texas Terry, Junior Johnson, Sterling Silver, Mule Skinner, Captain Nemo and Rickety Rudd. I guess you don’t need restrictor plates to have “The big one.”
Lap 150 gave us the final restart of the day, with Havoc in the lead over Rubby, Jiminy, Mutt ‘n Jeff and anyone else who still had a car in one piece. At lap151, the new Zero Hero, Chasin’ Laughter took up smoking, a habit that he’s far too young to acquire. From there to the end, it was Havoc all the way, leaving little doubt who would get to kiss the bricks this year. Behind him were Mutt, McCricket, Grody, Wild Biyull, Rubby, Buschwhacker and Mongo. (Dang, where did that pup come from? I don’t think I saw that car all day.) After giving the fans a major smoke show, which included blowing a right rear tire and quarter panel, it was celebration time for RCR. Havoc and car owner Richard Childish kissed the revered yard of bricks together, and then the whole dang team climbed the fence like a pack of monkeys. There was absolutely no doubt that we were at Indy!
That’s exactly the way it was at Indianapolis on Sunday. Would I lie to you?
~LIB
That was followed by a double flyover, courtesy of the 181st Fighter Wing from Terre Haute. First were the F-16 fighter jets, followed by Blackhawk helicopters. Later on, we would see some of those fighter jets on the racetrack, posing as Winston Cup cars. Before the race ever got started, the cleanup crews had to come out because Idiot Sadler’s M&M’s got chocolate all over the track. Actually, it might have been an oil overflow, but it was messy all the same.
It was Happy Havoc on the pole, with Friday’s Child on the outside. When the green rag dropped, Havoc scooted out to an early lead, leaving anything that would pass for racing to those behind him. By lap 3, the Awesome One passed Flyin’ Ryan for second, as we watched Wawd’s Kitty cat sinking like a lead weight. (Wonder where Marblemouth is driving next year). On the other side of that coin were the Car with the Star and the Home Depot Parts Kart, both of whom must have drunk some Red Bull, because they were flying.
Around lap 19, Wild Biyull passed Havoc for the lead but it would be short-lived. By lap 25, Stewpot had caught and passed him, leaving that One Bad Apple in his dust. A couple of laps later, Rubby Gordon and Junior Johnson had a brief meeting on the track, but both continued on their way with nothing but hurt feelings.
Green flag beer breaks started occurring around lap 30, but at lap 38, the driver of the Big Brown Truck appeared far too thirsty. That truck hit pit road going about 150 mph and tried to make a stop in the very first pit. Well gentle readers, the laws of physics won’t allow that to happen and that old truck swapped ends in a hurry. Unfortunately, it was too much of a hurry for jackman John Bryan to get out of the way. Poor John wound up being splattered like a bug on the wall. (Y’all might remember that this happened to John a couple of years ago, when he was on the receiving end of a Cat car gone astray.) He was transported to Methodist Hospital for observation, but later was released without seeming serious injury.
Of course, when all that happened, tending to the injured man was the primary concern (Rightfully so), but it had unintended consequences. Remember all those guys on the track who hadn’t been in for a cold one yet? Well, pit road was closed, but those boys were getting very thirsty just circling around out there. Finally, some of them had to give up and come in for a Bud, no matter what. In no particular order, we saw Jeffy Grody, Mutt Kenseth, Buschytail, Black haired Mikey, Dale the Lesser and several others ignore the red flag and get their beer anyway. Once NASCAR finally put up the green flag on pit road, all of them came back in for a quick drink, and that really scrambled the field.
The restart, at lap 45, was one of those nightmares you wish you hadn’t dreamed, with Flyin’ Ryan shown as the leader, but some 20 cars ahead of him, on the tail end of the lead lap. That restart made Indy look a lot like Pocono, as cars fanned out everywhere, with no one sure whom they were racing or who was on what lap. As you’d expect it only took a bit of that to produce the needed caution and straighten things out. That was provided when John Spaghetti slowed to avoid some three wide door rattling ahead of him and was summarily booted around and into the wall by the Rain Man. That would be the end of John’s day. I think that Chop Ganassi should be looking hard at that boy to replace Casey Smear. Heck, John comes with his own Target.
At the restart on lap 51, Stewpot made short work of Flyin’ Ryan, who had taken beer but no tires. Stewpot was heard to tell his crewchief that when he’d switched engine boxes a while back, it was like winning the lottery. (Great Tony, but concentrate on the race.) After that, there was not much excitement for a while, as the cars strung out like those beads on a cheap necklace and just kept circling. Around lap 69, Germy Mayfield went to the garage, but no one really missed him. By lap 80, we saw Junior Johnson start yet another round of green flag Bud breaks. The biggest casualty of that round was when Alltel ran all-out, of gas that is. The New Man managed to get it back to the pits, but lost a lot of time limping in there.
After that, we watched Jiminy McCricket begin to gain on the leader, Stewpot, and saw Cow Patty head to the garage for a new rear end. Now, being of advanced years, I couldn’t see anything wrong with his old one, but that’s just me.
Lap 105 would give the combatants a leisurely Miller Time, when the M&M’s Candy Store barfed oil on the track and said goodbye to its engine. Gee, maybe it wasn’t chocolate after all. On this break, there were all sorts of disagreements on what to order. Some took two tires, some four, but Rubby just grabbed a cold one and went out barefooted. He wouldn’t keep the lead for long, but he did get to keep the five pretzels he earned for leading a lap. Within two laps, Jiminy McCricket and Mutt Kenseth had passed him, and everyone else was busy cussing at Casey Smear who was laps down but racing the leaders.
At lap 126, we saw what would not turn out to be the smooth move of the day, when the New Man pitted for one last beer and declared himself good to go to the end. At about that same time, Cow Patty rejoined the fray, some 19 laps in arrears, and that rear end still looked the same to me. Two laps later, Black haired Mikey stopped in for a quickie, followed by the Bounty Hunter and Stewpot. That Bud must have been looking especially good, since the leaders decided that they needed some as well and hit the bar at lap 132.
At lap 136, we heard NASCAR discussing the possibility of debris on the track. At lap 140, they finally found some, when Can’t Cope dropped a piece of his ice cream cart on the front stretch. Well, once again they scrambled the running order, as some came in for a Coors and others stayed out. The results were the same as last time. They restarted with McCricket leading Havoc, Mutt, Rubby, and Crusty, but again with several on that dreaded “tail end.” This time though, they weren’t lucky enough to get away with losing only one competitor. As they jockeyed for position, we saw Blarney scoot up the track to avoid something no one else saw, then we watched Texas Terry get Buschwhacked and spun out. By the time the hitting stopped, there was a very expensive scrap heap out near the garage area and we’d all learned that “soft walls” are not a cure for stupidity. Caught up in the melee were Texas Terry, Junior Johnson, Sterling Silver, Mule Skinner, Captain Nemo and Rickety Rudd. I guess you don’t need restrictor plates to have “The big one.”
Lap 150 gave us the final restart of the day, with Havoc in the lead over Rubby, Jiminy, Mutt ‘n Jeff and anyone else who still had a car in one piece. At lap151, the new Zero Hero, Chasin’ Laughter took up smoking, a habit that he’s far too young to acquire. From there to the end, it was Havoc all the way, leaving little doubt who would get to kiss the bricks this year. Behind him were Mutt, McCricket, Grody, Wild Biyull, Rubby, Buschwhacker and Mongo. (Dang, where did that pup come from? I don’t think I saw that car all day.) After giving the fans a major smoke show, which included blowing a right rear tire and quarter panel, it was celebration time for RCR. Havoc and car owner Richard Childish kissed the revered yard of bricks together, and then the whole dang team climbed the fence like a pack of monkeys. There was absolutely no doubt that we were at Indy!
That’s exactly the way it was at Indianapolis on Sunday. Would I lie to you?
~LIB
Time now for our Classic Country Closeout, and this week I’ve really nothing special in mind by way of a theme, so let’s just kick back and enjoy some good ol’ Country Music.
First
in queue is an old favorite called “Foggy Mountain Breakdown.” This is
one I can remember from childhood. Since 1949, it’s probably been recorded by
every banjo player that’s worth his salt, but it came originally from Earl
Scruggs. Later he was joined by Lester Flatt, but Earl wrote it and Earl played
it first.
Then of course, there’s
that one written especially for guitars; the one that tells us the story of the
“Wildwood
Flower.” I can’t honestly tell you how long this old saw’s been around,
but it’s older than I am by quite a piece. This version is by Mother Maybelle
Carter and a couple of the girls, during an appearance on the Johnny Cash Show.
That’s the way it sounded
when performed the “old” way. Ah, but here is Mama’s favorite version,
presented by Hank Thompson and Merle Travis along with backing by Hank’s Brazos
Valley Boys. It’s different, but I defy anyone not to love it
Well,
for not having a theme, I seem to have quickly stumbled right over one. Our
final song for today is closely related to the last two, at least in melody. It
seems there is always someone with a “better idea.” This updated version of “Wildwood
Flower” is called, “Wildwood Weed” and became quite an
impressive hit in the 1970s for a young man named Jim Stafford. Please enjoy a
giggle on me.
Be
well gentle readers, and remember to keep smiling. It looks so good on you!
Don’t forget to smile for Buddy!
~
PattyKay