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Fan's Eye View ~ Star Wars And Stock Cars1/14/2015 |
Hello friends and Happy New Year to all. I trust you all had a fine holiday season and
now are ready to get back to the racing! Mine was fine, thanks for asking…rather quiet
this year. So, let’s get this out of the way right now. If you are not a fan of the Star Wars series,
you might want to find something else to read because you certainly are not
going to like this one! Now, let’s get into it. In the first movie, and any true fan
will know the first movie as “Episode IV: A New Hope.” Luke Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi (I wonder
if he means Old Ben) are in that silly Cantina is the Most Eisley
space port. They are looking for a ride
on a space craft to the Alderaan System where,
hopefully, they will meet up with Princess Leia Organa
and deliver the plans which will eventually help them find a weakness in and
ultimately destroy the Death Star.
(That’s no moon, that’s a space station.) Anyway, our heroes are in the Cantina, and while Kenobi is
trying to make deals with the big furry Chewbacca, Luke is getting into trouble
with outlaws who don’t like him and have the death sentence on twelve systems.
(I’ll be careful. You’ll be dead!) Finally, Luke and Obi-Wan meet up with Han
Solo, Captain of the Millennium Falcon. …And then…it happens. Poor Obi-Wan begins what will be and still is one of the
greatest points of argument in the history of the soon-to-be nine film
series. Han Solo says he understands
that they are looking for passage to the Alderaan
System. Kenobi agrees, but on the
condition of it being a fast ship. Solo
replies by repeating the condition, and then asking if these two have never
heard of the Millennium Falcon. He then
states: “It’s the ship that made the Kessel Run in
less than twelve parsecs. She’s fast
enough for you, Old Man.” They explain the
particulars of why and where they want to go, and Solo gives them a price,
which of course they balk at but the deal is made. (What’s the cargo? Just myself, the
boy, two droids…and no questions asked.)So, the group breaks up and prepares to
meet at Docking Bay 94, Greedo shoots first (not), and---
SCREEEEEEECH. Brake lights and tire smoke. Wait, Han…everyone knows that a Parsec is a
measure of distance and not of time!
Whatever could you mean? And here begins my version of the debunking of this “error”
in the Star Wars universe. 1.
Solo states: “It’s the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.” 2.
Kessel Run fact: The
distance is about 18 parsecs. 3.
Solo could have, in fact, been trying to impress
his future passengers by laying out some numbers he thought they would not
understand. Ahh, but consider this, race
fans. How long is the Dover Speedway? Last time I heard it was a cool crisp and
even one mile. Not by any means a worthy
tour of my favorite city in Delaware, but it will do for this exercise. The best measurement I can find for
determining the length of a race track is that they measure 15 feet in from the
outside wall. So, looking at my crudest
of Dover sketchings in Microsoft paint, (I’ve got a
bad feeling about this) here we see Dover Speedway and a red ring indicating 15
feet from the outside SAFER Barrier covered walls.
So, here, with the red ring, you can see what it would take to make a one-mile
trek around Dover. However, that’s not
the path our race car heroes follow around the Monster Mile, is it? Not at all. In fact, it probably looks a little more like
crude drawing number two, where the blue line indicates the path taken through
the turns.
One of the things we have been taught ever since we went to
school as lil’ babies was what? The shortest distance
between what is what? Class? Anyone? Bueller? The shortest distance between two points is a
straight line. A short distance equals a
faster time. Hence the
term “short cut.” That’s why,
most of the time, the drivers dip low into the corners and try to stay as low
as possible. So, the odds of our race
car driving heroes driving an actual 400 mile race at Dover are slim at best,
and would only be possible if there were a good bit of green/white/checkered
attempts, and then the winner might even have to take three or four victory
laps. So, what does this have to do with Star Wars? Well, what if, instead of a mile in length,
Dover was a parsec. And in order to win
the Kessel 400, instead of the Monster Mile, you had
to circle Dover’s Pesky Parsec 400 times before anyone else? All Solo did is complete the run of getting
from point A to point B, which would usually tack off 18 parsecs on your
odometer, but Solo did it in less than 12.
He must have cut a corner or two, proving that yes, you can use distance
as an indicator of speed. “Ahh, I happen to know about a
driver who, according to word at the highway Cantina, can make that Kessel run at Dover in about 386 parsecs. Some fellow by the name of Solo…drives a No.
1000 car with a bird on the hood. If we
get him together with our crew chief, Duffel Bag Chewbacca, we might have
something for them boys…” If only he could get out of that contract with The Hutt
Racing Team…
"There Will Be No Bargain..."
Feel free to leave comments below, and be sure to follow me @RaceFansJim on Twitter, because sometimes I give stuff away!