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A Lady Makes Her Debut And We're Not Any SAFER In Kansas, Toto
05/08/2015 |
I bid you welcome gentle readers. Sometimes, it’s amazing what we find when we think to look in the right places. I’ve been interspersing a few of my old “Lady in Black” columns from time to time, from the files of my time at Insider Racing News, but you might recall me mentioning that I wrote for another site before that one… a very small site with very limited readership. That site was maclouridees.com and yes, that is a strange sounding name for a racing site. Even after it was explained to me why we had such a difficult name to spell or remember, I really never understood it, but then, it wasn’t my site, so I didn’t have to.
The couple that ran it knew me, as did most everyone else from that time, from the Fantasy Racing groups on Yahoo. They were both members of my group and together we shared membership in one called The Liars’ Club, which is where the Lady was actually born. It was no coincidence that The £ady in ßlack was and still is the name of my Yahoo Fantasy Racing team. Those of us that took the word Fantasy to heart and created one of our own were a jolly bunch, to be sure. We were the nuts in the Cracker-Jack box, but we had great fun for as long as folks would keep laughing at our antics.
The following relic is taken from the files of my time at Maclouridees, and was the first time anyone could read about The Lady in Black outside of the folks in The Liars’ Club. This then, was her introduction to the Internet, and as with all of her “efforts”, the actual race can be found by clicking right about here, in case you have difficulty with the names or have forgotten that some of these drivers existed. Here then is her introduction as she tells us all about the second race at Pocono in 2002. Yes Virginia, there really was a time before Brian…
The couple that ran it knew me, as did most everyone else from that time, from the Fantasy Racing groups on Yahoo. They were both members of my group and together we shared membership in one called The Liars’ Club, which is where the Lady was actually born. It was no coincidence that The £ady in ßlack was and still is the name of my Yahoo Fantasy Racing team. Those of us that took the word Fantasy to heart and created one of our own were a jolly bunch, to be sure. We were the nuts in the Cracker-Jack box, but we had great fun for as long as folks would keep laughing at our antics.
The following relic is taken from the files of my time at Maclouridees, and was the first time anyone could read about The Lady in Black outside of the folks in The Liars’ Club. This then, was her introduction to the Internet, and as with all of her “efforts”, the actual race can be found by clicking right about here, in case you have difficulty with the names or have forgotten that some of these drivers existed. Here then is her introduction as she tells us all about the second race at Pocono in 2002. Yes Virginia, there really was a time before Brian…
A Different Look at Pocono
By: PattyKay Lilley
Ladies and gentlemen and race fans of all ages, today I’m going to try something that the “boss” has been asking me to do for quite a while, but before I do, I need to set the stage just a bit. I am a proud member of a wonderful group in Yahoo Fantasy Auto Racing that is dedicated to the proposition that mirth and laughter can be found in any situation. To that end, I have developed a persona called “The £ady in ßlack”, who travels to each and every race (although she is not always admitted to the track) and reports on the race in her own very unique style.
It is not without misgivings that I present this to you. Please remember as you read her report that it is entirely tongue in cheek and intended to be funny, not insulting. Now, without further ado, I present to you The £ady in ßlack:
Good day race fans. This is your raving reporter, The £ady in ßlack, coming to you from Pocono International Raceway, the site of yesterday's abbreviated race.
It didn't take long for our gladiators to get into the spirit of the game, thanks to an incredible episode of brain fade on the part of a Crusty ol' veteran who thought he was alone on the track doing a qualifying run. Imagine his surprise when he found Steve was Parked outside of him. The ensuing wreck cancelled two thirds of the DEI entries, and was one of the scariest looking in history. All this happened on the very first lap! It's a pleasure to report that the only things injured were feelings, and that's why they invented payback.
Actually, that wasn't quite true. The inner guardrail sustained 100 ft. of damage, and the fans were treated to an extra hour of beer and pretzels while the grounds crew replaced it, under the watchful eye of NASCAR’s answer to the Godfather.
Once the race restarted, it was time for fate to take a hand, and after only a few laps the heavens opened up. This second unfurling of the red bandana was good for over two hours more of nothing to do, and the pretzels got pretty dang soggy to boot.
At 5:08 PM, about the time the race should have ended, it finally began again, and will be forever remembered as the Pennsylvania 437. The combatants would circle the track through two rounds of green flag pit stops, creating an aura of excitement only rivaled by watching grass grow or paint dry. There was one touch of hilarity, when Mr. "I Never Forget" forgot to slow down on pit road and was invited back for a drive through penalty. Guess NASCAR liked his style, because they invited him right back in for a stop and go. Don't they understand that a man that size has a heavy foot?
Mercifully, on lap 104 Mule Skinner ran low on Unocal 76 and brought out a yellow that was timely for at least a couple guys. Hambone got to replace a flat tire and the Viagra powered Ford got charged up. Should have been stiff competition after that!
At lap 125, word came down from high atop the big red trailer that the race would end at lap 175 or midnight, whichever occurred first. At lap 135 the final round of green flag pit stops began, and of course, on lap 137 we saw the final caution of the evening when Jerry Nay-do gave some assistance to his friend and drinking buddy, Jeremy Mayfail, sending him careening off the wall and into the target on the Elephant Man's car.
On the restart, separate bits of mayhem broke out as the younger of the Booten Brothers backed through the entire field with a flat left rear, and Nay-do found center stage again with a flat that sent him into the unforgiving wall. What goes around comes around?
In the closing laps, being Pocono, there were several engine failures, including but not limited to, Derrike Cop-out, Toad's big brother and Jimmy Spencer never forgets.
That was about all the excitement for the day, unless you count a spirited battle between a pair of Dodges at the head of the pack for about 40 laps. In the end, the red one won and that Busch League kid snuck in front of the beer wagon for second place money.
One thing I have to say about Pocono is that if you think you've seen it all, you haven't. This big ugly ol' track is just full of surprises. I'm off to Indy now, to cover the Brickyard. Rumor has it that there's some partying going on up there this week. Wonder if I'll get an invite?
~£Iß
Well, there you have her, my alter ego, my hidden personality. Raise your hand if you liked her. Who knows? You may get to see her again from time to time. Did I do good Boss?
~PattyKay
By: PattyKay Lilley
Ladies and gentlemen and race fans of all ages, today I’m going to try something that the “boss” has been asking me to do for quite a while, but before I do, I need to set the stage just a bit. I am a proud member of a wonderful group in Yahoo Fantasy Auto Racing that is dedicated to the proposition that mirth and laughter can be found in any situation. To that end, I have developed a persona called “The £ady in ßlack”, who travels to each and every race (although she is not always admitted to the track) and reports on the race in her own very unique style.
It is not without misgivings that I present this to you. Please remember as you read her report that it is entirely tongue in cheek and intended to be funny, not insulting. Now, without further ado, I present to you The £ady in ßlack:
Good day race fans. This is your raving reporter, The £ady in ßlack, coming to you from Pocono International Raceway, the site of yesterday's abbreviated race.
It didn't take long for our gladiators to get into the spirit of the game, thanks to an incredible episode of brain fade on the part of a Crusty ol' veteran who thought he was alone on the track doing a qualifying run. Imagine his surprise when he found Steve was Parked outside of him. The ensuing wreck cancelled two thirds of the DEI entries, and was one of the scariest looking in history. All this happened on the very first lap! It's a pleasure to report that the only things injured were feelings, and that's why they invented payback.
Actually, that wasn't quite true. The inner guardrail sustained 100 ft. of damage, and the fans were treated to an extra hour of beer and pretzels while the grounds crew replaced it, under the watchful eye of NASCAR’s answer to the Godfather.
Once the race restarted, it was time for fate to take a hand, and after only a few laps the heavens opened up. This second unfurling of the red bandana was good for over two hours more of nothing to do, and the pretzels got pretty dang soggy to boot.
At 5:08 PM, about the time the race should have ended, it finally began again, and will be forever remembered as the Pennsylvania 437. The combatants would circle the track through two rounds of green flag pit stops, creating an aura of excitement only rivaled by watching grass grow or paint dry. There was one touch of hilarity, when Mr. "I Never Forget" forgot to slow down on pit road and was invited back for a drive through penalty. Guess NASCAR liked his style, because they invited him right back in for a stop and go. Don't they understand that a man that size has a heavy foot?
Mercifully, on lap 104 Mule Skinner ran low on Unocal 76 and brought out a yellow that was timely for at least a couple guys. Hambone got to replace a flat tire and the Viagra powered Ford got charged up. Should have been stiff competition after that!
At lap 125, word came down from high atop the big red trailer that the race would end at lap 175 or midnight, whichever occurred first. At lap 135 the final round of green flag pit stops began, and of course, on lap 137 we saw the final caution of the evening when Jerry Nay-do gave some assistance to his friend and drinking buddy, Jeremy Mayfail, sending him careening off the wall and into the target on the Elephant Man's car.
On the restart, separate bits of mayhem broke out as the younger of the Booten Brothers backed through the entire field with a flat left rear, and Nay-do found center stage again with a flat that sent him into the unforgiving wall. What goes around comes around?
In the closing laps, being Pocono, there were several engine failures, including but not limited to, Derrike Cop-out, Toad's big brother and Jimmy Spencer never forgets.
That was about all the excitement for the day, unless you count a spirited battle between a pair of Dodges at the head of the pack for about 40 laps. In the end, the red one won and that Busch League kid snuck in front of the beer wagon for second place money.
One thing I have to say about Pocono is that if you think you've seen it all, you haven't. This big ugly ol' track is just full of surprises. I'm off to Indy now, to cover the Brickyard. Rumor has it that there's some partying going on up there this week. Wonder if I'll get an invite?
~£Iß
Well, there you have her, my alter ego, my hidden personality. Raise your hand if you liked her. Who knows? You may get to see her again from time to time. Did I do good Boss?
~PattyKay
But wait! There’s more! We have some present-day things to deal with, and they include a map of the Kansas Speedway and the positioning of SAFER barriers at that track.
Kansas looks pretty much like the tracks we’ve examined so far, with SAFER in some spots and inexplicably missing in others. Quite frankly, for a track this size, I think Kansas may be the best we’ve seen… but it’s far from perfect. The following is a quote taken directly from the pages of the Kansas City Star on April 22, 2015:
After an internal review by Kansas Speedway’s owner, the International Speedway Corp., in conjunction with NASCAR, two sand barrels will be installed at the leading edge of the pit-road exit, an additional tire pack will be installed at the pit-road entrance, and interior walls along turns two and three will be extended.
More safety enhancements are planned before the season’s second race weekend in October.
“The safety of our guests and the competitors is, and always has been, our No. 1 priority,” Kansas Speedway president Pat Warren said in a statement. “Ongoing facility evaluations will continue and we will provide updates as circumstances warrant.”
Sand barrels? Will there be horses too? We’ve already shared some discussion on “tire packs.” If you missed any or all of that, let me quickly recap for you. Wiring a bunch of tires together and calling it a “pack” is not the equivalent of a SAFER (Steel And Foam Energy Reduction) barrier… not today, not tomorrow and all the way to never. Your scribe is not quite sure what to make of “and interior walls along turns one and three will be extended.” Are there no walls at all in those areas? What is to be extended, concrete, tire packs? The one word that is disturbingly missing there is SAFER. Lesa, if safety truly is your #1 priority, you’ll see that those walls soon sport the SAFER look. The drivers that have hit both varieties will tell you the difference… those that aren’t afraid, at least.
One more small point, gentle readers, and we’ll move along. In that same Kansas City Star article, it states that the original SAFER barriers were installed at the Kansas track in 2004. If anyone has knowledge of additions made since then, please let the KC Star and me know about it.
After an internal review by Kansas Speedway’s owner, the International Speedway Corp., in conjunction with NASCAR, two sand barrels will be installed at the leading edge of the pit-road exit, an additional tire pack will be installed at the pit-road entrance, and interior walls along turns two and three will be extended.
More safety enhancements are planned before the season’s second race weekend in October.
“The safety of our guests and the competitors is, and always has been, our No. 1 priority,” Kansas Speedway president Pat Warren said in a statement. “Ongoing facility evaluations will continue and we will provide updates as circumstances warrant.”
Sand barrels? Will there be horses too? We’ve already shared some discussion on “tire packs.” If you missed any or all of that, let me quickly recap for you. Wiring a bunch of tires together and calling it a “pack” is not the equivalent of a SAFER (Steel And Foam Energy Reduction) barrier… not today, not tomorrow and all the way to never. Your scribe is not quite sure what to make of “and interior walls along turns one and three will be extended.” Are there no walls at all in those areas? What is to be extended, concrete, tire packs? The one word that is disturbingly missing there is SAFER. Lesa, if safety truly is your #1 priority, you’ll see that those walls soon sport the SAFER look. The drivers that have hit both varieties will tell you the difference… those that aren’t afraid, at least.
One more small point, gentle readers, and we’ll move along. In that same Kansas City Star article, it states that the original SAFER barriers were installed at the Kansas track in 2004. If anyone has knowledge of additions made since then, please let the KC Star and me know about it.
And now guys and gals, it’s time for our Classic Country Closeout. Last week, we had some discussion of the old music genre and dance known as the “Boogie-Woogie.” Some of you were a bit confused between Boogie and Rock. It’s all about the beat, and Boogie’s got it, eight to the bar! But… did Boogie ever go Country? The answer is a very emphatic “YES!” Here then are just a few of hundreds or maybe even thousands of Country Boogie tunes as performed by some of Classic Country’s biggest stars.
First up, because Tex Ritter is one of Mama’s favorites, here’s Tex doing his lively and very playful “Boogie-Woogie Cowboy.”
First up, because Tex Ritter is one of Mama’s favorites, here’s Tex doing his lively and very playful “Boogie-Woogie Cowboy.”
Next up let’s enjoy a bit of The Singing Ranger, Hank Snow, doing one of his very own, “The Rhumba Boogie.” If you can Rhumba to this one folks, your back is in much better shape than mine. ☺
Here’s one that I think “everybody” recorded at one time or another. I even found it done by one of my Mom’s favorites, Cab Calloway, but ol’ Cab was a pianist and not a lick of Country about him. One of the most famous renditions was done by Tennessee Ernie Ford, and here is a very young Ernie, doing his mammoth hit, “Shotgun Boogie.”
When Mama gets wound up, you just know you’re going to hear from Red Foley, and Red made many recordings with that Boogie beat. The one I’ve chosen here is one of his biggest hits, so settle back and enjoy a short but live performance of the “Freight Train Boogie” from the Ozark Jubilee show. You even get a bonus as Red gets an assist here from guitarist extraordinaire, Grady Martin.
And finally, after listening to some 8 different renditions of “Guitar Boogie”, I made an executive decision to change instruments, so here is Grandpa Jones doing his “5-String Banjo Boogie Tune.”
Oh, what the heck. Out of all the versions of “Guitar Boogie” I listened to, I chose this one as the best by far. It “says” it’s Carl Perkins, but many of the comments disagree, saying it’s Arthur Smith, the gentleman that wrote the song, and I tend to think they’re correct… but… there is more than one guitar on this recording and it’s quite possible that Arthur was assisted here by Carl Perkins, who though known more for his Rockabilly songs, many of which were “borrowed” by a cat named Elvis Presley, was quite capable of twanging a mean guitar also. The end credits cite both guitar players, and I believe they are correct. Whoever this is, it’s dang good, so enjoy it!
Be well gentle readers, and remember to keep smiling. It looks so good on you!
~
PattyKay
